Waking up, now that November has ended it feels as if the entire month of November passed away just like that in a dream.
November had been a chaotic month for me professionally. Hectic schedules, crazy deadlines and mammoth work load. Not to forget the emotional atyachaar in my personal life as well. The only solace was my blog where I was being showered by award after award which made me smile despite all these things.
I share a very different relationship with God which is difficult to describe. All that I can say is for Me He is a buddy; my BEST BUDDY. I want to cry, crib, laugh, hate, love, get angry on, scream, fight or argue it has to be with Him. So as I was going through all this somewhere it had to lead me to Him. And it did. In the 2ndweek of this month as I went through some emotional turmoil I looked up at Him and asked ‘What is that you want me to see and understand?’ But I got no answer. I was not hurt because this is how He is. He does not answer immediately but I knew I would get it soon.
Last weekend I had an office conference to attend at one of my dream destinations Goa. My heart was continuously skipping beats as I counted my days to be at Goa and live my dream. I thought maybe this would be the change I was looking for away from all this chaos. But I was proven wrong. I was with some 300+ people from across the world and yet I was all alone there. I was in no mood to make any new acquaintances as I remembered I was here to live a dream. And that I did to the fullest!
I took long walks at the beach all my myself at all possible hours of the day /night, clicked some lovely pictures (280+!!!) and spent a wonderful time with someone as important as Me. This is a rarity as I never do this. I listened as my heart spoke to me from the deepest corners bringing forth things which I had buried deep inside. As I hugged the morning sun rays I could feel its warmth on my soul. As I inhaled the fresh air I could sense the ripples it caused inside me. Lying besides nature I felt a deep connection with everything around me. I was so thankful to God for this holiday. And yes ! I fell in love, all over again with life.
As all good things come to an end, so did this holiday. Though I would have never wanted it to, but I knew I had to let it end so that I could begin it afresh once again sometime in future. I was leaving with a heavy heart and that is when God decided to give me my surprise gift. He had saved it for the end as I am sure He knew I would need that gift more at that time. I saw a rainbow outside my plane window. And it was so mesmerizing. It was so close to me, yet to so far. Standing there is all its magnificent glory, shining away. I have seen quite a few rainbows but none so closely. I had read somewhere that seeing a rainbow means you are blessed. And at that moment that is exactly how I felt. BLESSED! That rainbow spelled HOPE for Me. Hope for a better time in future and hope to keep fighting till the time all ends well as it will be all worth in the end.
Since the time I have understood the realities of life all that I have ever wanted is to be loved, unconditionally. Coming to think of it, I think it is bad to want this as it never happens. I continue to face dejection after dejection but this flicker of hope refuses to die within me. I am amazed as to what keeps it going as it expects someday somewhere I will be loved, unconditionally. But now I know it is this hope which does that. And just when that flame was losing its strength God magically added more fuel to keep it going. Thank you so much God for giving me the Gift of Hope to help me sail through all the turbulent times that lie ahead of me!
So here’s to a Dreamy December as I look forward optimistically to what next does God have in store for Me…!