Relationships in the Age of Speed-Dating
I heard myself singing, my voice echoing in the entire room,
‘What happened Roosh? All good?’
I immediately cleared my throat, ‘Ahem..ahem..yea. Of course. Why wouldn’t I be? I mean..yea.. what’s up with you, sis?’ Wrapping my arms around her, I blushed.
‘Nothing. You just seem different today.’
Ashi punched me in the gut this time.
‘C’mon! Spill it! What happened?’
‘I just met him. He seemed to be.. how do I put it..? Umm.. well.. he kinda is..’ My eyes gazed at the ceiling to find an appropriate term. ‘He is..you know..very..Umm..’
‘I get it. I get it. You don’t have to finish that.’
She was right, as usual. I didn’t have to. But I kept wondering…
The so-called rules have changed so much since I was born. I’ve been listening to all kinds of stories from my mother, aunts, friends, but it’s not the same anymore. The definition of romance has changed, even the kind of dating we prefer has taken a different path. Ever since I tried this online dating app, my curiosity grew more. ‘Girl meets boy’ is no longer the ideal form. It’s not like lesbian or gay couples didn’t exist earlier, but people know and accept more now. With time, many of us have actually come to even accept it as part of our natural phenomenon. It’s good to know and learn the new patterns and indeed better to get involved in it. How else will the learning take place without any practical experience? That reminds me of science! You know, how one formula couldn’t get through our system without relating it to something in our everyday lives. So, I decided to try it for myself. As soon as I let out my intention to the universe, of this new experiment I wanted to try, there I had it. Right in the middle of my writing course. That intelligent, smart and witty woman. I had a crush on my teacher. Something I’d never thought of.
It got me thinking.
How does it work?
How come at that exact moment when I wasn’t ready for yet another guy crushing my heart into solid pieces, I met a woman, this incredible. Who was spying on me?
I had my answers after a bit of ‘spiritual’ research, as usual.
The evolution of ‘new-era’ dating is what I’m referring to.
The desire and hope to meet someone new:
As soon as you choose to meet another person, after that complicated or a mutually decided break-up, you let out your intention, loud and clear to the Universe, to make it happen for you. Just that small statement, in a plain and direct form through your conscious mind will do. Still, some of us cringe and complain about not having received what we’ve wished for.
So, here’s an answer to that.
Ask yourself. Is there any resistance from your side? Any experience stopping you from having another partner in your life now? Or is it one of those beliefs instilled in your system that ‘everybody out there is going to cheat, lie, and end up hurting you?’
It is imperative that once you let your intention out in an unequivocal manner, you work on any resistance that comes your way. Your subconscious mind is like a library. It stores everything, even the incidents which you don’t remember and which might have happened when you were a child. Here, is where Law of Attraction comes into picture, which states that,
‘Like attracts like.’
In other words, you attract what you are.
Every being has a fixed pattern of attracting similar relationships in their lives. The key to getting what you want is to break this pattern, and heal on those unresolved emotions attached to your desires.
One more essential point to keep in mind, for manifesting your desires, is to have faith that the Universe is just working out as per what your higher-self allows. Whatever is in your best interest is taking place, so you don’t need to worry or attach anxiety to the desire you have.
Ways to meet:
One of the essential laws of manifestation states that you don’t need to know ‘how’ is it going to happen. Trust the process and let go. Be ready to receive. I’ve had friends who met their partners for the first time in several places where one cannot imagine. Places such as even a passport office, but here are some ways in which you might get to fulfill your wish-
• Pubs, restaurants, parties, cafés can be quite resourceful, once you leave the judgment out of the picture. From past few visits, I’m finding this manager cute, in a restaurant where my friend books for a co-working space in South Delhi.
• Friends fixing you up with their friends or someone they know and found them good for you can also be a good option to try. What’s the harm in going for a blind date? How bad can it be? Worst comes to worse; you can always choose to walk out or decide never to talk to the other person again. But going with an open mind will help.
For instance, I went for a blind date, set up by one of my close friends that time with a guy belonging to another religion. I was reluctant at first, as usual, but it turned out to be one of the best dates I’ve had.
• Workplaces too can be magical at times. As a friend of mine, who is also a lawyer, met this charming lawyer in the High Court. Who could have thought that? You never know if that one person sitting in the next cubicle might just be waiting for you to look at them. So, relax and free your mind for changes to begin.
• College is that one place to have all kinds of relationships, short-term hookups, one night stands, flings, or even the long-term ones. It is considered one of the best times in our lives for this reason as well. There was a time when I had a crush on several guys in my batch, and yet I managed to have a decent score with all those distractions.
• Dating apps are also one way to let out your intention to the Universe, for having a new partner in your life. Tinder is one of the world’s most famous app for meeting new people. Personal experience says, just as you meet every kind of person in life, this app is no different, except for the part where you can quickly ‘unmatch’ someone you didn’t like. Some other apps worth trying are Happn, Hinge, Bumble, Coffee meets Bagel, and Groupr.
• Public Conveyance is one thing which you don’t expect to find someone exciting and yet I have friends with really fantastic experience. My friend, Freya, met her long-term boyfriend of 3 years in an auto! That too, while they were sharing it with strangers and got to talking stuck in the traffic jam near Sarojini Nagar (Delhi).
When you get to hear all these different stories of how your friends and colleagues met their beloved, you feel as if anything can happen. Miracles or magic is what comes to your mind, but it is just your subconscious connecting with the Universe to make it happen for you. Whatever you want, is out there for you.
Going on Dates:
This is the best part of having met someone. A first date is generally when you get the necessary or prime information about someone, their college, places they’ve travelled, and enough to let you know whether you want to meet them again or not. First dates have this nervous and anxiousness in the air. So, it is natural to give someone the benefit of the doubt if you didn’t like a particular thing about them or something they said made you feel uncomfortable. Deciding on a place to meet can also be a colossal task, and hence, it gets a person going bonkers when all they can do is just to choose a decent coffee place, quiet enough to talk and not so dull to get you bored too.
Now, second dates are one step ahead. This is when the person giving you the benefit of the doubt for something they didn’t like, might be observing. So, Ka-ching! You’re under CCTV Surveillance! Even then, my advice would be to take it slow and be yourself. If someone doesn’t like you the way you are, then it’s their problem, not yours. Most of all, if you pretend to be someone you aren’t, well, hello, what’s the point?
Usually, the third date is the time wherein you decide where this is going to go. Enough of the conversation, time for some action! Often, if a person is attracted to someone, as per the recent trend, Sex comes into play. But even so, we have cases where people like to take it slow. In my case, the guy I met, you know, for whom I was singing this song when my sister caught me blushing, is one such rarity.
The tricky part is where you have to say ‘No’ to the other person.
It can be either a polite text or a verbal conversation telling them; you aren’t interested or, you can do what my friend did. ‘Friend-zone’ them. That is one way the message gets across without having to hurt anyone, and there’s always a scope open to, you know, later reconsiderations. But, be sure to send a clear message across. Don’t keep the other person clueless.
As per the recent trends, ‘Ghosting out’ on another person is also what I’ve observed in the changing patterns of dating. It is sad indeed, how someone can be so inconsiderate to leave you hanging in the air, just vanishing from your lives without any information. But then again, there are all kinds of people in this world, so don’t let that one bad experience stop you from going out again. Remember, you always have the option of blocking someone permanently from your life and from your phone too in case you come across a stalker or the like.
A few Drawbacks from this changed pattern of dating in the Indian society are as follows:
Ø Emotional – In a case where you’re a person of high emotional sensitivity and you get attached quickly, there are risks of getting hurt too. So, keep in mind to always give out such information which feels enough and which doesn’t consume your energy much.
Ø Mental – Initially, as from my personal experience on Tinder, I had to juggle between these multiple matches I had. Meeting one guy at a time was my aim. But, gradually I was able to schedule 2 dates in a single day too. It can be a bit hectic, especially when you have to remember the details of each person from the text conversation.
Ø Physical – Apart from a tiring mental experience, if you’re involved sexually, with multiple partners at the same time, it can be physically distressing too. Risks of having STDs come like complimentary meals in it. How you manage your time with the partners is entirely up to you. This can also be counted as a ‘plus’ though. Given the kind of openness we’re having in the society now, people are okay with their partners having multiple sexual encounters.
As we move on to observing the different patterns in our society, it feels refreshing to note that a shift towards a liberal and open-mindedness is taking place gradually. The other day, when I saw a lesbian couple having dinner in a restaurant, it made my day. ‘Coming out of the closet’ or telling the world who you are isn’t easy but with the increased awareness, the time has come to feel okay about it. There might be some people to judge you, but as long as you have the love and support of your partner, it doesn’t matter.
The major bliss of this recent changing pattern is that you get time to know more about yourself. Who you are is what gets you out there in the first place. If you’re open to change, you’ll be able to recognize the old and new patterns in your life. Working on such patterns, healing them will help you manifest good things in your life consciously. So, going out is always an excellent option to scan your life and learn something new every time.
A friend of my close friend is getting married this year to a guy she met on Tinder. When I got to know of it, nothing more could have inspired me to download the app. I wouldn’t say that I hadn’t had an unfortunate encounter. There were guys with different levels of cheesy lines, but then there was also this guy, worth singing for.
So, go out and explore.
You’ll be surprised to see beyond your fears!